i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
