New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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