How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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