Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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