youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
