Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
