There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who died my cat blue again?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize