just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm like, not good at living.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
