So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
