maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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