Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
