Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
