you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
