I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have fence marks all over my body
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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