her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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