I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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