i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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