DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
