I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
