and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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