He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
