that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
