Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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