dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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