You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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