You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
