If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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