dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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