One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
