Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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