I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
