I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
