Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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