So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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