ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
