I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
