Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How does it feel to date your dad?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize