Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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