Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
