worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You're like the curious george of whores
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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