I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
