Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
