Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
