we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
