Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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