I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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