Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
