You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
