Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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