Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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