I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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