you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
