She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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