If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
