They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
