Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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