my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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