so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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