im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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