I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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