At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
